Being Yourself is not Enough... the Four step Process.

Everybody's heard it.

"Just be yourself."

The age old advice. The constant refrain, that ANY girl will say when you ask how to be better with women (right up there with "Be confident").

Well guess what guys.

It's good advice.

Good...but not complete. Being yourself is VERY IMPORTANT when it comes to success with women... but it's not the end all be all.

First we come to the obvious problem...but all those "chodes" are being themselves, why aren't THEY getting laid!?

Answer: They're not being themselves, they can't be. They don't even know who they are.

Which brings us to:

Step 1: Figure Out Who You Are

Figuring out who you are is a BIG step. For some guys, especially young ones, they don't even have a developed sense of identity yet (I know I'm still developing mine). They have not yet developed their inner man yet, and rather, are still boys at heart. For these guys, it's all about getting REFERENCE EXPERIENCES. Actually going at there into the "real world" and "doing shit"... I know, technical terms. Facing fears, helping people, making friendships, pushing physical, mental, emotional, and ethical boundaries... they need to be pushed so you can figure out what they are. This is something I'm gonna be working on hopefully in my own life, and blogging about it in the next few articles... showing dudes how to actually develop that strong inner man.

For other guys tho, they've had the reference experiences, but they're still confused. For these guys, their "inner boy" is all grown up now, and is something I like to refer to as the "inner bitch". The inner bitch is someone readers of this blog are going to be getting very familiar with... but only because he impedes the dude we REALLY care about, the inner man. See, this inner bitch guy is not really us. He is only the result of backwards rationalizations, resulting from a "self betrayal" (another term you'll be getting familiar with). A self betrayal in essence is when you have the DESIRE to do something, but then don't do it. The inner bitch then steps in starts creating seemingly perfectly logical reasons why you didn't follow that desire. Eckhart likes to call this little bugger the ego. So for these guys, it's all about figuring out which values and desires come from the inner bitch, which ones come from the inner man, and how to separate the two. This is something I'm gonna cover in future articles as well. It has a lot to do with leverage of the inner man, and identifying patterns in both the inner man and the inner bitch.

As far as pickup goes, this is the step that's going to give you the confidence to approach women. You know who you are, and no women is going to change that. That's step 1.

So, that's what you gotta do first. you have to find your inner man. When girl's say be yourself, they fail to mention these important steps ;). But okay... let's let them have their fun, showcase their advice for a moment:

Step 2: Be Yourself

But not just any self... your BEST self. Your inner man. There's two parts to this. The ultimate goal is to completely remove your inner bitch from the equation. Get to the point where you don't even have to think about your inner man, because you ARE him. The RSD boys would call this being unstifled, Ecky would call it being in the moment, I like to call it "Empowering Your Inner Man". There are exercises to do this, which is what RSD and Ecky talk about. But I also have what I believe is a FAR more powerful way of doing it, using leverage... which I'll talk about in a later blog.

So that's the ideal, but there will be times when your inner bitch is blocking your inner man from coming out. You can't simply just BE. These are times in which you will need to pull out your PROFILES of your inner man, and your inner bitch. These are neat little tools to figure out WHO YOU ARE, and who you aren't. So even if your inner bitch is squeaking at you in it's little whiny voice and telling you to do all these bitch things, you have your profile of what your inner man would do. This allows you to overcome the inner bitch even at your most confused and emotionally challenging moments. Tyler Durden would call this right action, Stephen Covey refers to it as a mission statement... I call it profiling. Again, in later blogs, I'm gonna take you guys through exactly how I personally created my own profiles, how you can do it for yourselves, and examples of when and how it has been useful.

The other part of profiling is something I like to call "life alignment". This is something I'm really excited about writing about, because it's something I've really been slacking on. I think this blog will give me the kick in the pants to get this part of my life handled. Life alignment is what is going to allow you to fulfill your inner man in the long term. You could go through your life always following your values, being true to yourself, following desires, but then fifty years from now look back and say "wow, if I had planned differently, I coulda helped more people, spread more happiness, had better relationships." Life alignment is what prevents this. It's putting your life on a track that allows you to best fulfill your inner man. Aligning them.

This is the step that's going to get women to sleep with you. This is where you're going to get the dominance, the playfulness, the alphaness... perfect this step, and you'll have no trouble getting women to sleep with you. That's step 2.

So you know who you are... but what about the girl? Well, good question. That brings us to:

Step 3: Allow Her To Be Herself
So you're yourself. You're a strong man. she likes that presence, and she finds it arousing. She'll sleep with you just on that. But that won't be enough to get her to stay. She won't be fully relaxed, and because of that, she won't want to spend more time around you. The only men she WILL want to spend more time around are those who she feels completely at ease with. Those who she can just be herself around, no other worries. People who accept her completely as she is... her inner woman of course, not allowing any of that inner bitch stuff. People who hold her to that higher standard of being her inner woman, but who have no expectations beyond that. They want her to be who she is, not who she's not. This has a lot to do with the acceptance frame, as well as another thing which I'm really big on, LISTENING. Listening for Intent, not just content. Listening is something I've already covered in the blog, and something I'll be coming into much more detail to in the coming months.

So that will get her to want a relatioship with you, but it's no guarantee that the relationship will work. Two people can be themselves, but unless they use those core personalities to connect, a relationship will not last. Which brings us to step four...

Step Four: Build a REAL Connection Between REAL People

This is where it's at. This will create, long, lasting, fulfilling relationships... how you choose to define a relationship is up to you. The idea here is to create a mutual frame, allowing your inner man and her inner woman to exist in harmony. Another way to say this is that step to is allowing you to be YOURself, and step three is allowing her to be HERself, but step four is allowing us to be OURselves. This has a lot to do with leveraging differences, mutual unreactivity, as well as creativity. There is also the aspect of mutual life alignment... you guys both have to want the same thing out of the relationship. All of these things are things I am going to be covering in future blogs.

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So that's pretty much the roadmap for the blog... I'll also be covering a few other things more specific to seduction, like CONGRUENT ESCALATION... but above is pretty much the meat and potatoes.

I want to be very clear about something. THIS STUFF WORKS. This is not some mamby pamby bullshit I pulled out of my ass. Now, I will be the first to admit that I have a lot of work to do in all these areas. But I have been doing this stuff for over a year now, and I have SEEN RESULTS. I have been more fulfilled than ever; I have multiple Fuck Buddies; I have, deep, meaningful friendships; I had an amazing long term relationship with a wonderful girl.

This stuff works. That is all.

Hit me up with some comments and let me know what you think.