Response to Damien: How to Run Connection Game

This is one of those posts where you start writing your response, then you realize it should really be an article in its own right. It's in response to Damiens Excellent article : Skip Attraction - and still get the girl.

Fucking awesome article man. I've had some thoughts floating around in my head lately about this... would love to get your collaboration on this shit.

I never ever followed ACS model but I did notice that my club interactions pretty much followed it spot on... and I thought maybe Mr. E was right about that being the model for how interactions between male and female work.

But then I started doing daygame and I realized that my interactions would follow all sorts of weird patterns, but most commonly as I started getting deeper and deeper into the connection shit, it would be CSA.

So, it's not really Attraction that's necessary to start with in a club... it's attention.

The other interesting conclusion I came to from these observations was that Connection had NO bearing on attraction whatsoever. Listening to a girl, did not, as some community members advocate (and yes, I actually saw a post by an instructor an another forum advocating this position), kill attraction. Nor did it, as I originally thought, and you posit in this article, create attraction.

Rather, it just created an intense desire to be around you. And yet, there was attraction created in these interactions. The sexual tension was there, and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

At first, I thought it was the tiny bits of "attraction" material I was throwing in. My listening allowed me to see exactly when she was getting bored, and so I would throw in a bit of fun to keep the interaction positive, and then go back to active listening. It was this process that made me include the actual step of "acting" in my active listening model... something that most active listening ironically doesn't include.

However, I soon realized that again, I wasn't responding to lack of ATTRACTION in the girl, but lack of attention, and that this was what would build up when I would throw these fun bits in. While there where small BT spikes when I would do this, it wasn't nearly enough to justify the massive attraction that I was generating from these girls.

Additionally, there were TONS of guys in the so called "friends zone" that had great connection with girls, but absolutely no attraction from them. What was I doing that I was able to have SEX with all my friends, while they couldn't...

I soon realized that while my typical pattern was CSA, the guys stuck in the friend zone would typically attempt to do CAS. They'd get really close to the girl, then they'd start to test the waters to see if she liked them, and try to do attractive things to impress her, then they'd "make a move" and if she didn't respond well, they'd "realize" that they had no chance, and that would be it.

So here's the insight:
It's the SEDUCTION which creates attraction. Specifically, Sexuality and Escalation. All the massive attraction gains I was getting came from when I introduced these two elements. ESPECIALLY when the girl realized that I was unapologetic about these things, and that it was just part of who I was. This is why Shock and Awe works so well, and also why a makeout will ALWAYS be more intense the more she rejects your kiss... she sees that you are unapologetic about your sexuality and escalation, and that your identity is not reactive to what she does.

Finally came the last piece. I found that when I had this massive connection built, EVEN when I then built massive attraction through escalation, the girl would still be scared to have sex. Luckily, through my active listening process, I was able to determine exactly WHY she was scared, and through the fourth step: Act, I was able to correct it.

I began to notice a pattern of three objections, that, if dealt with before hand, would eliminate 90% of lmr when using the CSA model:

1. This makes me a slut.
2. I'll get attached, and you won't.
3. You'll get attached, and I won't.

As long as you can answer these three objections (the answers all depend on what you want from the relationship with the girl) you'll have dealt with all the problems associated with running connection centered game. You'll still get the odd lmr associated with social conditioning, rape victims, etc, but 90% will be gone.

And that's connection game in a nut shell.